Love is my sin
by Severus my hero
Summary: The war has ended and all was indeed well for the wizarding world as a whole. However, a certain pink haired woman finds her life in constant turmoil and it does not help that her son's godfather is consistently winning her heart with his every move.
1. Two Shards of a Broken Heart

**A/N: This story is slightly AU as Tonks survived, however other than that it mostly follows cannon if we disregard the epilogue, of course. **

**Two shards of a broken heart**

The scorching beams of the glorious Sun streamed through the unwilling darkness of her soul. Today was the day she would be acknowledging the loss of all: her mind, body and soul. Yet, there was this desire to maintain control over her overwhelming emotions; perhaps, it was for the sake of her tiny child, whose innocent existence lay in the safety of her arms, unaware of the tragedy that had befallen his already incomplete family.

There was a humble sweetness in the way her broken heart ached for the one person who had remained forever unattainable to her. She had loved him with all her heart and he had rejected her; she had vowed to cherish him and he had distanced her from his heart if not his shell; but most of all she had dreamed to live with him forever and he had ruthlessly abandoned her by mating with the ever horrible emptiness of the inevitable.

"Tonks," she tried to blink away the treacherous tears, which threatened to leave the caged haven of her eyes. Someone coughed uncomfortably and tried to clear his throat. "Tonks?" there was a strange uncertainty evident in his voice and the pain that gripped his tone tore through her heart, but she refused to look up, she refused to acknowledge his presence.

He took a deep breath and gently placed himself in the empty seat next to her, as if any rapid or aggressive movement may provide the spark for the fire of her wrath to break loose.

"I..." his voice faltered and he cleared his throat again. "I know that whatever I may have to say to you, Tonks, it is probably going to sound like a bunch of empty words. I realise that I cannot possibly understand what you are feeling right now, but still there is this desperate voice at the back of my head, which keeps on nagging me that I absolutely _need_ to say something, to offer comfort." Blatancy and honesty readily mixed with confusion and the result was a perhaps a most unpleasant ointment for her wounded heart.

"I don't need anyone to console me!" she bit out nastily. Every fibre of her being was aware that he was only trying to be kind, but alas, she didn't want anyone's kindness, because the very thought of their motives branded upon her heart the sign of her loss, screaming that she should admit it, believe it, accept it; _but..._ but he was somehow different, and this recognition was almost deplorable.

"I know," he hesitated and then added ruefully. "I am not doing this to console you, Tonks. I... I..." he seemed to be at a loss for words as his eyes mirrored the hurt which lay within his own shattered heart. "I need to do this for myself, to... to... console myself. I..." A small sob left his averse mouth and so he turned his gaze away adopting the silence of the sky and the earth.

They sat in silence as a number of people came and went, some saying things they didn't mean and others meaning things that they didn't say. No one accept a humble few could truly grieve the death of a _vicious_ werewolf and even less could say good things about him. She was glad that she was one of those privileged few, but what filled her bleeding heart with extraordinary warmth and comfort was that the person sitting next to her was another. Tears flooded her cheeks and she furiously hid her face away in the blankets enveloping her dear son.

A chilly breeze blew defying the heat of the blazing sun that only she seemed to burn under and slowly almost painfully she turned her gaze towards the tombstone that lay erected on that precious piece of soil.

RIP

Remus John Lupin

Beloved husband and father

(18th June 1960 – 20th March 1998)


	2. If Only

**If Only**

Honestly speaking, was she really that invisible, that insignificant? Did no one notice how much it hurt her to see that simple embrace, which marked the ever annoying possibility of a blossoming love? The stupid girl giggled and it made Tonks want to throw up. What _had _she done to deserve this? The girl's blushing cheeks made her look like an ugly tomato and as her dark red hair fell around her face when she tried to hide behind her mane, Tonks did not blame her.

The dark haired young man got down on one knee and...

Tonks had to turn her face away. She had no idea what bothered her more: the fact that this silly girl, who had lost nothing, who had done nothing, who knew absolutely nothing, was blessed with all the things that she did not have, that she _would not_ have; or was it the fact that she wished she had once been in her place and Remus had bent down, propped himself up on one knee, taken her hand in his and asked her to marry him...

At this moment Tonks felt like the most ungrateful woman on the whole planet. She knew she should feel fortunate to have had that one small year with him. Remus had consistently been stubborn to believe that he did not belong with her, that she deserved _better. _Tonks smiled internally as she realised how stupid that had sounded to her ears. Who could have been _better_ for her than the one person who she loved the most? Who could have been _better_ for her than that one person who had given her so much happiness in so little time?

That one short year should have been worth a lifetime, but the moment this thought came to her resentful mind, Tonks realised that no matter how many lifetimes she spent with Remus, she would still want more. No amount of time could have ever been enough for her to tell him how much she loved him, to show him how much he loved her... But this wretched fate was never satisfied. It seemed to possess a sadistic need to torment her, every single step of the way. Why was it that the red haired girl could have what she had always longed for, what she never had, what she never would have?

***

_It had only been about an hour since the terrible news of Albus Dumbledore's murder had hit them. Tonks had never imagined that a man of his calibre, his charisma and ingenuity could ever succumb to something as ordinary as death. However, this _almost_ brought a smile to her face. Ordinary was the last word on Earth that she could use for his death. He had been _murdered_ ruthlessly by one of his most trusted men. Severus Snape had just picked up his wand and gotten rid of the one chance they all had against Lord Voldemort. _

_As she thought this through a guilt rose in her chest. It wasn't Albus Dumbledore who was their last chance against the evil rein of that lunatic, it was Harry. Even though this very day proved that Albus Dumbledore's judgements were not to be fully trusted, but with a sweet pang Tonks realised that this fact had not been embedded in her mind by Dumbledore's judgement, instead it had materialised due to her own._

"_What are you thinking about?" a soft voice enquired from behind her. _

"_Nothing much, except in light of recent events it seems that we are on our own." Remus's chuckle lacked humour as Tonks used her sober professional tone, which was reserved only for occasions when she had to formally address someone regarding some terrible calamity. _

"_I still can't believe he is dead," _

"_Neither can I... I sometimes forget that all men, no matter how extraordinary they are, have to face death. No one is above that inevitability, not even Albus Dumbledore. I suppose this is some sort of a reminder from the higher powers......"_

"_Or maybe it is a reminder that no matter how close you get to a snake, you should never forget the danger it poses..." _

"_Maybe..." _

_They both sat in silence for a few minutes before Remus heaved a terrible sigh and Tonks turned to see tears making their way down his cheeks in subtle streams. Remus was a strong man, a solid rock, and to see such a man so helplessly shaking under the cold cloud of grief dug a deep painful hole in her heart. _

"_Remus..." She had no idea what to say to him. Indeed, there was nothing left to say to anyone really. Nothing..._

_She gently cupped his rough cheeks and wiped away the tears that were making there way down to his hard jaw. Closing his eyes, he angled his face so as to put a slight sweet pressure on the palm of her hand. At that moment, Tonks could not bear to just sit there and look at his melancholy disposition. She took a deep breath and leaned in to give him a soft kiss on his lips. _

_*** _

If only life would have been kind enough to stop all the misery that night. If only the imminence of war and loss was the end of the long chapter of hellishness in their lives. But life is a sadistic bitch and nothing can be done about it: It took away everything from her, the only thing from her.

If only she could turn back time, and once again feel Remus's lips on her. If only she could lay in his arms once more and not in those of the terrible monster "Solitude and Depression"...

If only...

_***_

**A/N: I know this chapter seems a little incomplete but more will be revealed, as the story proceeds. I feel compelled to state over here that there will be a lot more of Remus/Tonks in the coming chapters and a little bit of Harry/Ginny also thrown in. I can't move straight to Harry/Tonks. That would be weird. There are a lot of unanswered questions in this chapter and they will be answered later, no need to worry.**

**I would also like to take this opportunity to apologize for the very long delay in posting this chapter... A lot of things had come up in life and studies for me to be able to concentrate on my writing. Anyhow, constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thanks for reading!!! **

**:)**


	3. Beware! O Heart of Mine

**A/N: Okay, so updates will be sooner now, because I have finally found a free patch of time. I hope all those people asking me for a longer chapter, and even those who didn't ask for a longer chapter but definitely wanted one, are going to be happy with this one. I would urge you to please read the end note after finishing the story. Anyhow, please do enjoy and let me know what you thought. :D**

**All of you Sirius fans, he makes a special appearance in this chapter! ;)**

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**Beware! O heart of Mine**

Harry was sitting in the conservatory with Teddy on his lap. Teddy's face was scrunched up in concentration, as he tried to catch the silvery mist Harry was lazily producing for his entertainment. One minute Teddy would pout in annoyance at his inability at catching the mist, and the next second he would burst out in giggles, as new mist would appear, once the old one had gone.

Tonks kneaded her temple, as the noise had started to get on her nerves. However, she did not dare utter a word to show her irritation. She did not know how many more years, months or days were left for her little boy to smile and laugh in that carefree manner. She knew she shouldn't think like this, but she could not help herself. It would be strange for him to see other little children with their fathers and not know where his own was. Then the awkward questions would follow, and she did not know how she would deal with them, without breaking his little heart.

"Awww... bugger that!" the pot of pasta had decided that moment to boil over and ruin her mother's brand new stove. Of course, she could clean it but the last she had tried that they had to go and get this new stove.

"Hey!" she heard Harry say and she looked up to see that he was covering Teddy's little ears with his hands. Poor Teddy looked extremely confused and started to poke him, undoubtedly demanding that he should make the mist come back.

"What are you trying to do? Corrupt the kid even before he learns how to talk?" he said in mock outrage. "How would you like it, when the first words coming out of his innocent little mouth would be, 'bugger that'?"

Harry waggled his eyebrows, as if challenging her, but for some odd reason Tonks could not bring herself to look away from his mouth...

* * *

_Remus chuckled as she nuzzled closer into his embrace. He was gently running his fingers through her short bubble gum pink hair. _

"_I didn't know your vocabulary was so colourful." There was barely disguised laughter in his voice. _

_Tonks put her hand on his chest and pushed Remus so that he lay on his back, as she moved to straddle his hips. _

"_What _vocabulary_?" There was a mischievous smile playing on her soft lips, as she left a trail of kisses around his neck and collarbone. "Care to give me a _short recap_?"_

"_Hmmm..." Remus seemed to have lost his ability to think, so he gently grabbed her shoulders and pushed her slightly away._

"_What do you mean a _short_ recap? _I_ was thinking along the lines of a rerun?" He raised his eyebrows slightly. _

"_Oh, I think a rerun would be nice, but you know what would be _better_?" _

"_Hmph... What?" _

"_A _remake_," Tonks drew out the last two syllables, as she began to extend her trail of pecks and bites down his chest... _

_

* * *

_

"Kashukalishumoshu," Teddy's sweet little voice yanked her back from her reverie. The moment she met Harry's gaze colour flooded her cheeks. He was looking at her strangely, as if she had grown two horns or something on top of her head. He couldn't possibly know what she had been thinking just now, could he?

"Fufa," Teddy said.

"Seeessssshhhhokolafufa," Harry refocused all his attention back to Teddy, who was grinning widely at Harry, as if he perfectly understood what he had just said.

The pasta was waiting to be cooked and the stove was waiting to be cleaned, so she too tried to relocate her attention. However, no matter how hard she struggled, her mind kept on playing tricks on her by taking her back to Remus.

* * *

"_Ummmm," Tonks moaned in delight, as she enjoyed another bite of the most delicious shepherd's pie she had ever had. _

_Another Order meeting had just been concluded and Tonks had decided to stay back for dinner. The dining table at 12 Grimmauld Place was surrounded by the Weasleys, Sirius and of course the person because of whom she had actually decided to stay back, Remus Lupin. She never could have imagined that somewhere along the line Molly's expert cooking was going to make her forget that little detail._

_Just as she had been about to leave, Sirius had yelled from behind, "Oye, Nymphadooorrraa stay back for dinner, it has been a lifetime since I met anyone, who is related to me and is not a complete psycho." _

"_Is that supposed to be a complement?" She raised her eyebrows at him in a most intimidating manner, but he just barked out a laugh. She rolled her eyes and _just_ remembered to mention, "Just to be clear Seeeeeeeriousssssss, _if_ you call me Nymphadora, or any distorted _version_ of Nymphadora _again _as long as you live, I _will_ castrate you. I am not joking." _

_She tried the intimidating look again but annoyingly enough, his friend Remus too began to chuckle lightly. Tonks huffed and decided the world was a lost cause. _

"_Please do stay back for dinner, otherwise I would feel like intruding on this happy bunch," Remus gestured generally towards the Weasleys and Sirius. The meaning of his words were lost on Tonks but apparently it was some inside joke, as Sirius glared at Remus, who in turn chose to raise up his hands in defence._

"_Just saying," _

"_Alright, if you lot insist soooo much," Tonks had been sort of glad she didn't have to go to her empty apartment and eat alone. Since Sirius's escape from Azkaban, her Auror duties had become ridiculously strenuous. However, adding her Order obligations to the list meant total and utter annihilation of any social life she had previously enjoyed. _

"_Hmmmmph," Tonks looked sort of bleary eyed, as she took another bite._

"_Alright! Who is it?" Sirius demanded in mock annoyance. _

"_Who is who?" Ron Weasley, the youngest of Arthur and Molly Weasley's sons asked, as a bemused expression overtook his freckled face. _

"_Hmmm," the haze of the good food still hadn't left Tonks completely._

"_Oh come on," Sirius said rolling his eyes. "Whoever is pleasuring ickle Tonks here under the table, please, I am begging you to stop. It is getting on my nerves." _

_Complete and utter silence ensued, as every face depicted a beautifully blended mixture of embarrassment and shock. A thud sounded at the entrance of the room, as Hermione Granger came in. Her eyes were as large as saucers and it appeared that she had dropped the book in disbelief._

"_Sirius?" Remus managed to choke out._

"_Remus!" Sirius said in an AHA tone. His eyes narrowed, "You are the culp..."_

"_I think 12 years of forced celibacy has addled your brains," Remus huffed, a little enraged. _

"_Enough! Both of you!" Molly Weasley had finally come out of her shocked stupor. "There are children in this room. What is wrong with you?" She sounded scandalised. _

"_Yes, _very_ scarred-for-a-lifetime children," Ginny quipped up. _

"_Oh, Ginny darling, really it was just a _terrible_ mistake on Sirius's part. You don't have to feel..."_

"_Oh, no mum, I wasn't talking about what Sirius just said,"_

"_Wha..." Molly seemed confused._

"_Oh, I was just thinking about when-we-all-walked-in-on-you-two-in-the-kitchen-last-saturday-disturbed-and-scarred-for-a-lifetime children."_

_It was a wonder to see how Hermione's eyes seemed to have almost popped out of their sockets. Arthur seemed to have lost his face to a very ugly red tomato and Molly looked as if she was about to faint. Sirius, Remus and Tonks, well they were completely speechless. _

"_GINNY WEASLEY!" Molly shouted at her daughter._

"_Uh-oh," _

"_I think I am going to step outside for a little bit," Remus announced to no one in particular._

"_How about I join you?" Tonks stood up without waiting for a reply._

"_Told you '_happy bunch'," _Tonks couldn't help but giggle, as Molly started berating her daughter, totally forgetting what had transpired before that_.

* * *

"You know, if you stand there and stare at the food, it won't be terrorised into cooking itself," she heard Harry say from behind her.

Tonks chuckled lightly, and burst out laughing when she saw how Teddy was all over Harry's head trying to pull out his hair.

"Now you know, why half the men loose most of their hair by the time they reach their forties," Harry chortled, as he extracted Teddy's tiny hands from the mop of hair that resided on top of his head. He placed him gently on his chair. He strapped him in and rotated the little plastic table attached to settle down in front of him.

Teddy began to gently slap his hands on the table. He was making the cute gurgling noises that said, "Mummy is going to give me food, and I am not going to eat the easy way."

"Harry?" Tonks couldn't help it. She _had_ to ask him.

"Hmm," he said looking at her, but she just handed him the bowl of oatmeal. He took it with a small smile on his face, and Tonks turned away, back to the stove. Trepidation scarring her features, as she looked at the stains the boiled over and burnt starch had left on the stove. Perhaps, she should have wiped it off when it first fell. She sighed, what would her mother say when she found out?

"Tergio Scorgifium... Wingardium Leviosa," Harry pointed his wand at the mess and within seconds, she found it being wiped out and then levitated into the bin. She looked at the stove and was surprised to see it was shining like its old, new self.

"You should be a maid," light sparked in Tonks' eyes, as she saw Harry's face flush.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind, if I am kicked out of Auror training," he sputtered.

"I'd hire you anytime," she laughed. Harry's features scrunched up for a split second, before he too smiled and turned towards Teddy. She could see he was blushing for some reason. It confused her.

After some time and half the bowl of food down Teddy's tummy, a sniff was heard. Tonks immediately knew what that meant.

"He is sleepy," she whispered to Harry, but it was no use. Apparently, Teddy understood that the two people in front of him were conspiring against him and would soon try to make him go to bed. That was not acceptable to him, so he did what he knew best, emotional blackmailing. He cried and wailed and cried and wailed and cried, till his mother soothed him that she would not put him to bed until he wanted to go to sleep himself. Half an hour of that drove Harry and Tonks both into madness.

"Touchy, aren't you mate?" Harry asked Teddy, patting his little blue head.

"Fuaaaaahhhhh," Teddy yawned and quickly realised his mistake, as he looked at his mother, a pout forming on his lips.

"Does Teddy want to take a walk?" Harry asked picking him up, out of his chair. Teddy giggled in affirmative, as Harry took him out in the conservatory. Within minutes he was back, as Tonks looked at her pasta sauce with disdain.

"He's asleep," he whispered.

"How did you do that?" Tonks looked from Harry to Teddy and back at Harry again in astonishment.

"I have supernatural powers," he chuckled.

Tonks rolled her eyes and pointed up the stairs. When Harry was done tucking him in his cot, he came downstairs.

"I think I should be going now, Ginny would be back from practice soon," he said gathering his keys and wallet from the table in the conservatory.

"Oh, but stay for dinner," Tonks said.

"No, I really should be..." Harry was staring at the masterpiece that she had created in the name of pasta sauce. "Erm, Tonks?"

"Yes,"

"Do you, by any chance, need help with that? You know, before Andromeda comes home and well, you know?" Harry's face showed sympathy, but she knew he was laughing inside.

"Oh well, so I don't know how to make pasta sauce..."

"And you don't know how to boil pasta..."

"Now wait just a second..." but before Tonks could say anything more, Harry used the spatula to pick up some of the pasta and she stopped talking. "I suppose a little help would be nice. I did promise mum that I would have dinner ready, before she came back home. Tell me to fight ten dark wizards and I will do a great job, but housework... I suppose, it isn't really my thing."

"Erm, why don't you just sit down and relax?"

"A maid and a cook," Tonks joked. "Two in one package, Ginny sure is a lucky girl."

"I am no cook. I used to... erm... help my aunt in the kitchen, when I was little. I remember the easier recipes she used to make. She was a good cook, Aunt Petunia, she was a good cook." Harry had a slight faraway look on his face, but he soon recovered and began to fix the damage she had done. Of course, that meant getting rid of all the 'mess' that was in the pot and starting over.

"Harry?"

"Hmm,"

"Why did you ask Ginny to marry you? I mean, I don't want to be intrusive and all, but you both are so young right now and you have like your whole lives ahead of you." Tonks couldn't help herself. She needed to know. What drove a guy to ask a girl to marry her? What was missing in her that Ginny had? What was it that drove Harry to ask Ginny, but what kept Remus from asking her?

"I am surprised you are asking such a question Tonks," Harry looked at her oddly. It was as if he was seeing her for the first time and Tonks couldn't bear to look him in the eye.

"If you don't feel like answering, Harry, I completely understand,"

"No, no, there is no problem. I mean it is quite simple after all. I want to spend the rest of my life with Ginny. I trust her and love her enough to want that. I don't know if there is more to it than that for some people. For me, that is enough." He looked at her strangely for a moment or two, before turning his attention back to the tomatoes, he was preparing for the sauce.

"I..."

"Yeah?"

"Nothing," Tonks was completely lost and the only person who knew the way back to life had left her forever.

* * *

_Remus and Tonks were sitting in Tonks' apartment. Precisely, a week and a half had passed after Albus Dumbledore's death. Tonks was holding Remus's left hand and she appeared to be observing it very intently. Remus took a sip of his tea and looked at her. _

"_What are you looking for?" Remus asked, a smile grazing his lips. _

"_Nothing," Tonks said in a small voice. If Remus had known her as a child, he would have understood that whenever she wanted something really badly, she would speak in those light sad tones to her parents. _

"_Dora, is anything the matter?" Remus asked, focusing his full attention on her. _

"_No," she murmured and looked away, his hand still safely tucked in hers._

"_Are you sure? You look a little peevish."_

"_Aww, that's a nice way to talk to your..." Tonks suddenly stopped midsentence. "What am I?" _

"_What?" Remus looked like a deer caught in the headlights._

"_What am I to you, Remus? Who am I?"_

"_You're Dora," _

"_Don't play with me, please." _

"_Hey, I am not playing with you, Dora. You asked me..."_

"_I asked you, 'Who am I to you?'"_

_Remus was quite for a few minutes and Tonks felt like the very lifeblood was seeping out of her in those horrible few moments. When he finally did speak, his voice was raspy and very cautious. It seemed as if, he was laying his soul bare in front of her._

"_You are everything and nothing, Dora."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_You are everything I want and everything I can't have, and you are nothing, because if I let myself believe otherwise, it would kill me when you finally realise what you are doing, and you come to your senses." _

"_What rubbish," Tonks got out of her seat and glared at him. "Why does everyone think that I am out of my mind or something? You, my parents..." she stopped talking, as she realised Remus had tears in his eyes. She kneeled down in front of him and cupped his cheeks._

"_Dora, I am _bad_ for you," he choked out and then tried to look away, but she held him firmly._

"_No, you are _not_ bad for me, Remus. I am the one who is _bad_ for you." Tonks was talking in a deadly whisper. "I am the one who keeps on forcing you love me back, when you clearly don't. I am the one who..."_

"_Dora..."_

"_No, let me say it! I am the one who keeps on asking you to care about me, to be with me, to look at me like I am the only thing in the world. I shouldn't want that from you, when you clearly don't feel _anything _for me!" Tonks was sobbing._

"_Dora, please, do not be ridiculous. I _do_ love you, I _do_ care about you, I _do_ want to be with you and you _are_ the only thing in the world that really matters anymore. But..."_

"_Remus, if that were true, there would _be_ no ifs, there would _be_ no buts!" Tonks mental exhaustion was manifesting itself on her physical body, as her breathing became a little ragged. _

"_Dora..."_

"See_. See, what I mean?"_

"_I love you so much," he tilted her head upwards and kissed her lips ever so softly. "Never doubt that. Never doubt for a second that I love you."_

"_Then why do you keep on saying that..."_

"Because, _I love you. The answer to all your questions is the same. It is _because_ I love you." _

"_Oh, Remus," Tonks began to stare out the window, once again taking his hand in hers._

_After what seemed like an eternity Tonks spoke once again, two words coming out of her mouth in a silent whisper. Two such words that Remus could never have anticipated would ever be said _to_ him, or _by_ him; two such words, which posed a terribly beautiful question, he had no reply to; two such words that became his undoing._

"_Marry me."_

_

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**A/N: Some of you must be wondering, "Why does Harry keep on looking at Tonks strangely or oddly?" Well, you see the answer to that question is in this chapter and would be further explored in the following ones. Tonks is unable to read into what Harry is thinking. She really does not understand how his brain works at the moment. He is definitely looking at her with an expression that says something, but Tonks has no idea what that is. Moreover, as most of this story is going to be from Tonks' point of view, the reader also has to wait for Tonks to start understanding what Harry might or might not be thinking to gather Harry's side of the story. **


	4. A Cup Full of Broken Soul

**A/N: Between this chapter and the last one, around about more than a year has passed. Between then and now, Harry, Tonks and Teddy have had a lot of similar episodes, but Ginny and Teddy have also bonded. I needed to move forward in time a little to ensure that Harry has grown up a bit more. **

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**A Cup Full of Broken Soul**

"_Dora?" _

_A long moment of silence had passed between them and an aura of trepidation almost chocked her. She lifted her gaze from their joined hands and looked straight into his shocked but sad eyes. _

"_Hmm," _

"_I don't understand." There was hope in his eyes as he stared at her in uncomfortable anticipation. It appeared that he did understand but he wished he had misunderstood. _

"_What is there not to understand?" she asked, a sad smile playing in her eyes._

"_Dora," Remus was pleading, pain evident in his expression. It was strange to see that, although it was her insides, which were twisting, he was the one showing hurt. _

"_What do you want me to say, Remus?" Tears started to travel down her cheeks and her face contorted as a fresh wave of hurt wrecked her soul. "Do you want me to take it back? Laugh it off and say, 'gotcha'? Well, guess what? I won't! I can't!" _

_Remus looked alarmed as she began to all out cry. Tonks could take the rejection, she could even handle the hurt of being left by this man, but she did not have enough power to battle her knowing soul. She just knew Remus cared about her and could never understand why he insisted on fighting it. Was it so wrong to love her? Was it so distasteful?_

"_I..." Remus did not know what to say, so he just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. It was impossible for Tonks to control her emotions any longer and slowly the shoulders of Remus's tattered robes were soaked with her salty tears._

"_Sshh, Dora, please. Please don't cry." _

"_Why... shouldn't... I?" she muttered stubbornly between sobs._

"_Because..." Once more a pained expression took over his countenance, only to be replaced by determination. "Because, I am a terrible, selfish person, who cannot bear to see you cry. It hurts to see you hurt, Dora. Please, stop crying." His voice was so low that she was almost unable to catch what he was saying._

"_Marry me," she pleaded and Remus shut his eyes in defeat._

"_I can't," _

"_Why not?" she was nearly screaming in exasperation. "Because, you are too old, too poor, too dangerous, too wrong, too different, too empty, too wretched, discriminated against, unemployed, sad excuse for a human being, not even sure you _are_ a human being, too in love with me, too noble to endanger me and my family, so not worth my time of day? Why? WHY? ANSWER ME! BECAUSE, I AM SICK OF YOU AND YOUR EXCUSES! DAMN YOU, REMUS, DAMN YOU! But wait; there is no need to damn you, because according to yourself, YOU ARE ALREADY DAMNED!"_

"_Dora," she knew she was hurting him, but enough was enough._

"_You know what, Remus?" she continued as if she had not been interrupted. "You know what? You are right about one thing. You are not worth it! You are not worth anything! You are not worth waiting for, pining for, hurting for, because I would never ever be sure that you are totally committed. I don't know what your problem is! Is it the long list of excuses you give me, or is it the fact that you can't bring yourself to admit that I am not worth giving up your freedom for!" _

"_ENOUGH," Tonks had never seen such an expression on Remus's scarred face before. He looked like he wanted to kill himself, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, she had gone too far._

"_I am leaving," he got up and picked up his shabby jacket. As he closed the door on his way out, Tonks took out the silver ring from her pocket and chucked it in the bin. _

_

* * *

_

"Unlike, the common tales and traditions, a weapon made out of silver does not render a werewolf vulnerable to attack; it only stings on contact, making the werewolf howl in shock, like any other animal. This has been over the years been interpreted as proof for the above mentioned myth. Moreover, if a werewolf carries a chunk of silver in such a way that it is always in contact with its skin, it will feel less pain during transformations. As more time elapses after a werewolf first makes contact with a piece of silver, the pain also decreases exponentially in relation to it."

–Werewolves: Modern Guides to All Things Magic

By Samantha Roseberry

* * *

Someone was knocking on the door and the constant noise was giving her a headache. She tried to block it out with the help of her pillow, but it was no use. She was awake and there was no going back to the fitful sleep that had overwhelmed her a few moments ago. She opened the door of her bedroom, only to find a very excited and glowing redhead standing at the door.

"Ginny? What are you doing here?"

"Oh Tonks, tsk tsk tsk." There weren't many things that annoyed Tonks about people; however, Ginny Weasley was an exception to that rule. Everything from her smiling face to her cheeriness drove her crazy. Was there nothing that could make her shut-up? Was there nothing in the world that could ever tear her up? Why was she so damn perfect? So damn happy _all_ the time?

Tonks quirked an eyebrow at her, even though she had an irrational urge to push her and watch her drop and break into a bazillion pieces.

"I am standing here waiting for you to return from Neverland," she joked but Tonks only smiled.

"Aww, come on. You're no fun. I wonder how Harry spends so much time at your place. I mean he is all moody and sulky, and then you are all moody and sulky... Poor Teddy must have to work extra hard to get you two to even smile." Tonks wanted to smash her but once again she only smiled. "Don't you, baby? Don't you, Dontcha?" she cooed at Teddy's sleepy face with all sorts of sweet nauseating baby voices and... _he giggled._ It drove Tonks all the way to insanity.

"When did he wake up?" Tonks asked keeping the annoyance out of her voice. Ginny just shrugged her shoulders.

"He was already up when I flooed over, just walking around your apartment, stumbling everywhere." Was she hearing disapproval in her voice? No, it was just her imagination. Ginny had started playing with him and it seemed she was lost for the world.

"Mummmmmaaaaaaaaaa, hungggggeeeeee," she started mashing a banana.

"You like children, Ginny?" Tonks asked off-handed.

"Love them," _perfect._

"I think Teddy loves you..." Tonks started to say; as she remembered all the times Harry had taken him over to their place for a few hours. Teddy would always come home extremely happy, smiling, giggling and glowing with happiness. Then she remembered all the times Ginny had come over and Teddy left everything just to play with _Aunty Ginny_.

"I know he does. Aren't I your favourite?" _Aren't you everybody's favourite? _Tonks made a face and added milk to the mash.

"Ooo, can I?"

"Erm, sure," Tonks handed her the banana/milk mixture.

"Can't he like just eat the banana by now?"

"What?" Ginny was making a horrible face at Teddy's breakfast.

"Oh, yeah, but he doesn't take any milk if I don't give it to him exactly like _that_."

"Strange preferences in breakfast for such a small person," Tonks was about to reply but then she noticed that Ginny was talking to Teddy now and not her. Tonks took the opportunity to go and change out of her pyjamas; however, she could still hear Ginny talking to him.

"Choosy, aren't we?"

Teddy pouted and looked at Ginny with anticipation. She giggled and made a move to feed him.

"Isn't Teddy a big boy now?"

Teddy shook his head, grinning toothily.

"No,"

"Oh but I thought he was," Ginny gave him an overdramatic shocked face, but he just grinned and nibbled on his spoon.

"You shouldn't give mummy twubble,"

"Oh, he is no trouble, really," Tonks snapped and Ginny looked a little shocked. To her surprise, even Teddy looked scared.

"Oh, I didn't mean to imply..."

"I know," she dismissed her and made a move to grab the bowl of food. However, to her surprise it was already empty.

"How do know so much about kids?" Tonks asked sarcastically.

"Oh, I really don't. Just that when I was little, my baby cousins used to come over and I used to play with them. Then my older cousins started to get married and have their own children and they started to come over. We used to have a lot of dinners and lunches together, before granna died, you know?" A pained look came over Ginny's soft features but immediately disappeared.

"Granna?"

"Yeah, my dad's mum,"

"You were close?"

"Hmm... Yeah," Ginny was avoiding talking about this, but Tonks pressed on.

"When did she pass away?"

"I was ten and a half. She was really sick so..." she stopped talking and focused her attention once again on Teddy.

* * *

_Andromeda was sobbing quietly on the living room couch, clutching a tear-stained parchment in her hand._

"_Mummy, what's the matter?" a six year old Tonks asked her._

"_Nothing, sweetheart," Andromeda quickly swiped her tears away at the sight of her daughter. Tonks became worried and cupped her mother's cheek in her small hand. _

"_It's gonna be okay," she said in the same tone Andromeda used when she was soothing her daughter. _

"_Look, mummy, what I can do now," she morphed her nose into a small cylinder protruding from her face. "I cleaned my room," she giggled and elongated her nose. "I brushed my teeth, like you told me to mummy," her nose elongated further. "I learnt my lesson from yesterday," she mock-gasped, while elongating her nose even further._

_Andromeda was laughing and crying at the same time now. Tonks looked at her and said, "I love you very much, mummy," finally her nose became small cylinder once more, and eventually changing back to its original shape and size. Andromeda couldn't help herself, she took her daughter into her arms and hugged her tightly, kissing her forehead, whispering:_

"_You never knew your grandfather, sweetheart. He was an interesting man, you know. Maybe not always kind, not always generous or even understanding, but he was always interesting and very unpredictable. He would have loved you, doted on you and spoiled you silly." She started crying once again and Tonks pried the parchment from her hand. _

_

* * *

_

Dear Blood-traitor,

Hope you are rotting in hell for leaving our family for that good for nothing mudblood of yours. I would rather cut myself into a billion pieces than write to you, but it was father's last wish. He wanted you to know that he had died and you had not even come to visit him. Pity really, 'cause I am sure you would have come if I had told you. However, I would have rather been devoured by vultures than ever see you again. Of course, father died rightfully believing that you were the ugly whore we all believed you to be, kissing the shoes of a filthy, hideous mudblood. I even took the liberty of telling him he wouldn't let you come. Who would serve his beastly needs, if you were gone? I hope it pains you to read this and you die of a deadly curse the moment you finish!

Lots of Hate for YOU and YOUR revolting BRAT

Bella

* * *

_Tonks' eyes had become huge saucers as she read through, her child's mind not comprehending the meaning of it all. But before she could read it again, Andromeda had finally gained enough control over herself to snatch the letter back from her._

"_Mummy, who is Bella?" she asked worriedly._

"_No one, sweety, no one." _

_What her mother meant was not 'no one'. It was 'the future murderer of your husband', because that is what she was: not her aunt, not her mother's sister, not her child's great-aunt, not the loving figure she ought to have been, but the murdered of her husband and the biggest bitch the world had ever seen. They say that one should not speak ill of the dead, but Bella would never truly be dead. She would live on in her dreams every night, either torturing and killing Remus or being fantastically tortured and killed by her. She almost wished Molly hadn't killed her. She almost wished the green light had come from her wand. She almost wished some of her gory fantasies about torturing Bella were true._

_

* * *

_

"So, I was thinking," Ginny said after a long silence on Tonks' part and a lot of noise on Teddy's.

"Hmm,"

"Teddy's birthday is coming up," she continued.

"I know,"

"Erm, I was wondering if we could celebrate Teddy's birthday at our place. You know, a child turns two only once, and well we wanted to give him a party at _our_ place. If that is alright with you, of course; I mean if you have already made plans, it's absolutely fine." Ginny added the last part very quickly, just as Tonks was about to interrupt her.

"Whose idea was this anyways?" she wondered aloud.

"Harry's," Tonks was about to smile but stopped as Ginny continued, "and mine." She was grinning for some reason. Not the cute shy ones, but the all-out ear-to-ear one. It drove her crazy with irrational anger.

"Yeah sure," Tonks acquiesced after much deliberation. She couldn't bring herself to say 'No,' for some reason. Ginny smiled widely and hugged her; however, Tonks found herself miles away as she hugged the younger woman back, but only half-heartedly.

At that moment her feelings both scared and bothered her.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is obviously going to be Teddy's birthday! As I mentioned earlier that Tonks is unable to read Harry. I tried in this chapter to build a contrast with how well she could read Remus, compared to Harry. Of course, she did not always know exactly how Remus felt about something, but she did have some semblance of idea. With Harry she doesn't even have that, as the next chapter will reveal. **

**I have an active poll running on this story. If you want to vote, please visit my author's page! :D  
**


	5. The Cake of Joy and Misery

**A/N: Alright, so I reread the previous chapter and realised that I made Ginny sound very annoying. I hope I redeem her character, somewhat, in this story. The truth of the matter is that I am in no way trying to bash Ginny; actually I want my readers to like her. In the previous chapter, she was trying to cheer up a very sad and pathetic looking Tonks. However, unlike the old Tonks, who really liked Ginny and would have played along with her little jokes, this Tonks can't stand her. Well, we all know why that is. However, in one of the coming chapters, you will get an insight into Ginny's and Tonks's relationship before Remus had died. **

**I know this chapter is a little short, however, I will assure you that the next one is going to be longer. I just couldn't think of fitting anything else into this chapter, without ruining its effect. Enjoy! :D **

* * *

**The Cake of Joy and Misery**

"Happy Birthday!" a loud cheer erupted at exactly 3.46 pm and the little boy with sparkling yellow hair giggled with joy. It was the exact time, according to the mediwitch, when Teddy Remus Lupin was born. Tonks felt her heart fill with utter bliss at the sight of her baby boy's smile and she silently thanked Harry and even Ginny, albeit grudgingly, for putting it there.

Harry and Ginny had a small flat in muggle London, which at this moment was filled with balloons of all possible colours. Bill's fifteen month old daughter, Victorie was dancing around in her cute blue dress, her giggles mixing with that of Teddy's and it was all music to Tonks's ears.

All the adults at the party were wearing the silliest of hats and Tonks ran her hand over the one settled over her own head. She would never have been caught dead wearing something as obnoxiously yellow; however, Harry had forced it on her head saying that she should put Teddy's birthday above her own vanity. She had stuck her tongue out at him and asked him whether he was possessed by the spirit of her long dead grandmother.

"It's all really lovely, isn't it?" Andromeda asked Tonks, as she came to sit beside her daughter.

"Yeah," Tonks smiled.

"It seems just like yesterday when Teddy was born. Look at him now! Children grow up so fast. It will be no time before he is packing his trunk and is on that train, going off to Hogwarts. You'll wonder then, where did those eleven years go, Dora, just like I did." Andromeda sighed and turned to watch what her grandson was doing, but Tonks could sense that at that moment her mother was not entirely with her. She was at some far off place, where her husband was still alive and her daughter still smiled and laughed often. _Where had those days gone? Why had they been wrenched from them so heartlessly?_

* * *

_Tonks was sitting on the chair her mother had left out in her little garden. She was in a particularly foul mood that day, as she felt her back ache with such a subtlety as if to say, 'Try and prove my existence, you pathetic little...' _

_Her thoughts were interrupted as Remus came outside lifting a chair in one hand and holding a book in another. _

"_Mind if I bother you, for a bit?" he asked, laughter in his eyes._

"_Of course, I do." She huffed as the pain started getting out of control. It seemed to be screaming at her in its high pitched voice. _

"_O, well in that case, I think I will just sit here quietly and read my book," _

"_Whatever," _

"_My Dora, cheerful as ever,"_

"_Don't get on my nerves Remus," she felt an iron grasp around her insides and she almost let out a scream._

"_Dora?" Remus looked extremely worried for a second. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?"_

"_Ummpphhh..." Tonks bit her lip as slowly the pain started to ebb and she felt wetness between her thighs._

"_Oh dear," _

"_Wha..." Remus was staring at her in confusion for a second but then as he looked down at her soaked dressed, realisation dawned on him._

"_O," _

"_Don't sit there and 'O', call someone, get the healer, do somETHING!" she screamed, as another contraction hit her._

"_Okay, okay, wait here,"_

"_Obviously, I am not going anywhere, Remus," she said through clenched teeth._

_Remus had gone a full minute, when she heard the familiar voices of her healer and mediwitch, conversing pleasantly with her mother and her husband. _

"_Come on dearie..." the mediwitch helped her out of her chair and in to a bed, and somewhere, along the line, she had changed from her dress into a strange white and blue gown... _

* * *

_About an hour or so later of utter pain and confusion, a __cry was heard and a tiny little angel was born. _

"_He is so small," Remus said as he held the tiny bundle in his arms. Her husband's scarred face was glowing with joy, as he looked into her eyes. _

"_He is perfect," Tonks said as Remus handed him over to her. _

"_Our son," Tonks smiled at the disbelieving tone in Remus's voice. He appeared to be thinking he was dreaming or that he had been transported into some other world, where people like him were allowed to be happy. Tears escaped her eyes, as Tonks looked at her baby. _He was perfect.

"_Are you feeling alright?" the healer asked Tonks._

"_Just a little soar," _

"_Hmm... That is normal."_

"_O my!"_

"_What happened?" the healer looked worriedly at Remus and then the baby, trepidation getting the better of him._

"_He... he..." Remus pointed at the baby's nose. The healer quickly looked at the child and started laughing heartily. _

"_What?" they both inquired from him in annoyed and tired voices._

"_He is morphing!"_

"_He is..." _

"_Yes, he is morphing. It seems he has inherited, Mrs. Lupin's, metamorphmagus abilities. Congratulation!"_

"_But isn't he too little..." Remus started to say but her mother cut him off._

"_Oh, don't worry. When Dora was born she started changing her nose and her hair within the hour. Gave me a right heart attack, though. I thought, someone had cursed her and she was losing her face. Of course, that was just me being paranoid." Andromeda quickly added the last part, when she saw the look of utter horror that had overcome Remus's countenance._

"_Hello, little baby," Andromeda greeted her grandson, trying to introduce herself. "I am your grandma, or you can call me gran even. But please, not granny, that makes me sound old."_

"_So, have you two thought of a name?" she asked as the mediwitch was instructing Tonks about how and when to feed him._

"_Well..." Remus started, looking at Tonks for support. She nodded her head and smiled in assurance. "We thought that if it was a boy, we could name him Teddy. You know after..." Remus stopped as he noted that Andromeda had started to tear up._

"_It's okay, if you are not comforta..."_

"_Oh, don't be silly. I just... He would have been so happy, you know. Teddy Lupin." Andromeda tested the name on her slightly trembling lips._

"_Teddy Remus Lupin," Tonks confirmed, as she gazed down at her little bundle of joy, her baby boy, her little angel, who had adorably fallen asleep._

* * *

"Alright, you two, no looking sad today," a stern voice said.

"Ginny dear, I am not sad." Andromeda said defensively.

"Really?"

"Oh, I was just remembering Ted for a second there," Tonks was shocked to find her mother confiding in her. She could almost not believe her ears. _What the hell?_

"Aww, Dromma, don't be like that. I am sure he is having lots of fun up there listening to all the crap the twins got up to from Fred. Believe me, if you have Fred or George with you, you can never have a bad time," Ginny's tone was both confident and reassuring. "It is an impossibility."

Andromeda sighed, "I hope you are right Ginny."

A child's cry sounded and Ginny was distracted for a second, "That sounds like Victorie. I better go check. Phle..." Ginny cleared her throat. "Fleur went out to get some more napkins. Harry didn't bring enough. Who knew kids could be so messy?" She scrunched up her nose for a second and then got up and picked up the silver-haired child into her arms, patting her back lightly, trying to soothe her.

"She is a sweet girl, Ginny. She came over the other day, when I went to see Molly."

"Hmm," Tonks nodded.

"We started talking and before you know it, I was telling her about your Dad and I. She is a die-hard romantic."

"Hmm," Tonks nodded once again.

"You don't like her very much, do you?" Andromeda asked out of nowhere, startling Tonks.

"NO, of course, I like her. What's not to like?"

"The fact that she is with..."

"MUM," Tonks was flustered and she definitely did not want to hear her mother complete that sentence.

"Dora, a mother knows these things. The way you look at..."

"Don't be absurd, mum,"

"Huh, huh, huh," Andromeda closed her eyes and sighed, turning her attention back towards Teddy again. Harry was trying to take the plate of cake from him. He had already had two pieces and it was obvious that if he had any more, he was going to be very sick. However, Teddy would not relent and was creating a bit of a fuss.

"Come on, buddy, don't you want to open you presents now?" Harry was nearly pleading with him, but the moment the word 'presents' had registered in the child's mind, he let go of the plate. The cake now lay forgotten on the table, as he got out of his chair and made his way over to the table, where all his presents were.

Tonks slowly stood up, looking forlornly at the amount of gifts her son had gotten. He would be spoiled rotten by the time he reached five.

"What sort of kid gets so many presents?" she murmured to herself.

"One who has a lot of people who care about him," Harry had heard her somehow and whispered back.

"But still,"

"Aww, come on Tonks, Ron and Ginny told me that they used to get even more presents than these, on their birthdays. They were never very fancy or expensive, but they always amounted to piles and piles of boxes and wrappers. Big families have some advantages, I suppose: lots of aunts and uncles, cousins and friends equals lots and lots of gifts." There was hint of something in Harry's tone, which confused Tonks.

"I suppose, but I just don't want Teddy to be all spoiled or anything," at this Harry laughed and Tonks eyed him with barely disguised bemusement.

"Look, Tonks, if I know anything about children, it is how not to spoil them. Believe me, giving them a lot of presents is not on that list, it is giving them everything they ask for, which is."

Tonks nodded, a look of wonder overtaking her pixie face.

"And by the way," Harry started to chuckle lightly. "You have a little cake right here," he pointed his index finger towards his chin.

Tonks quickly took out her handkerchief and tried to swipe it off, but Harry kept on shaking his head, trying not to laugh. Finally, he took the handkerchief from her hand and swiped it off himself.

"You are hopeless," he said, returning her the handkerchief. Tonks released a breath that she did not know she was holding, but Harry once again turned back towards the mess Teddy was creating at their feet.

"Torry, sweetie, come on," Ginny was begging her fifteen months old niece. "Let's give Teddy the present you made for him. You wanna do that?"

"Jesh,"

"Good girl," there was relief in her voice.

"Teddy," the little girl wobbled a little as she made her way towards him, her arm outstretched to give him a little piece of paper.

"Mummmmmmmaaaaa, look," Teddy held it up to show it to her, a very pleased smile on his face. Tonks took it in her hands and saw that it was very ugly drawing on a piece of very fine stationary, which had been scrunched up and flattened many times. She looked at the grin on her son's face as he looked up at her and she couldn't help herself, her eyes filled up with tears.

"Say thank you to her. I think this is the best gift that you have gotten, today."

Teddy got up and walked over to where Victorie was twirling around and gave her a kiss on her cheek, "Thank you!" Tonks was prepared for a lashing out from Victorie and lots of tears and cries commencing as a result; however, to her absolute surprise, she hugged him, a huge grin on her pretty little face.

"Oh my," Tonks started to laugh and noticed she wasn't the only one.

"Look at that, I think they like each other," Andromeda was probably right about Ginny. She was a hopeless romantic and Tonks felt a small sad smile form on her lips. "Torry wouldn't stop mentioning 'Teddy' and 'Birrrday', so Fleur sat down with her and got her to make him a card."

"You are not already matchmaking, are you Gin?" Harry was teasing her.

"What makes you think that I would be doing any such thing?" she pouted.

"Well, you know that one time, when you..."

"Do not finish that thought, Potter," she said fiercely, trying and failing to hide a deep blush appearing on her cheeks. "Besides, thinking someone likes someone else is not matchmaking."

"Un hun..."

"You know I am right," she said warningly.

"Un hun..." there was a very mischievous grin on his face and Ginny glance towards Tonks for a second. Tonks quickly glanced away for a bit and then smiled unsurely towards the young girl.

"Stop being such a prat, Harry," she swatted his arm lightly.

He wound his arm around her waist and she gripped his arm more tightly, resting her head on his shoulder. "I love you," she murmured after sometime. Harry didn't say anything; he just looked at her in that strange way of his and captured her lips in a small, chaste but sweet kiss. Ginny sighed contentedly burying the side of her head in his shoulder, her long red hair hanging behind her head. Harry had a strange smile playing on his lips and in the quietest of voices, he whispered, "I love you too, Gin, I love you too."

As those words hit Tonks, she felt the sudden urge to throw herself onto her bed and cry into her pillow. _Why was life so unfair? When would her heart ever learn?_

* * *

**A/N: So, what did you think? Remember, a poll on this story is still running on my author's page. Do check that out and let me know how you would like this story to end. I have my plans for it but I would still like to know what you guys think. **


	6. Sick Days

****

A/N: I am going to make a confession here: this was not the originally planned long chapter that would follow the previous one. However, it is still long and it is still there. LOL. I never meant to make Tonks ill but a PM from one of the readers and my own recent experience with labyrinthitis inspired that aspect and a whole different chapter resulted. I hope you like it and enjoy reading. Also I hope I don't give too many people heart attacks with some of the plot twists planted in this chapter. Anyhow, happy reading.

* * *

**Sick Days**

"_Mum," Tonks had heard the sound of footsteps near the entrance of the kitchen in her childhood house. "Is that you?"_

_Someone cleared their throat uncomfortably and a very familiar tall figure entered the kitchen with a disgruntled looking Andromeda in tow. Remus looked flustered and slightly flushed with shame as he looked at her mother, pleading with his eyes to leave them alone for a little. _

_Andromeda made a sound in her throat that indicated the beginning of a protest, but Tonks cut her off. _

"_It's okay mum, let him say whatever he is here to say, as if he hasn't said enough already." Tonks could not help it, just looking at him wanted to make her either throw herself at him and kill him, or just plain jump him. _

_Andromeda looked uncertainly from her daughter's annoyed, flushed face to her son-in-law's ashamed, miserable one and then without a word turned around and went into the living room, closing the door behind her. _

"_Dora?" Remus's questioning look made Tonks even more irksome than she already was. She just couldn't seem to get a grasp on this guy. _

"_Come on, blurt out whatever you have to say, I don't have all night. I need to get proper sleep for the baby and all, not that you care or anything." She knew she was being mean, but how else was she to protect herself from him hurting her once again. _

"_How can you even think that I don't care?" Remus looked defeated and shook his head as his eyes started to fill up and Tonks couldn't help but feel as if an iron fist had clenched around her heart. _

"_Well, if you do care, you have a right way to show it!" _

"_Dora, I..." Remus started but then shook his head. "I know that I don't deserve you or your forgiveness..."_

"_O Merlin, not this again,"_

"_Let me finish, please," Remus pleaded and Tonks motioned with her hand for him to continue as indifferently as she possibly could. "I know that I don't deserve you or your forgiveness, but I have hope. I have been so utterly stupid..."_

"_No kidding," Tonks muttered under her breath._

"_Yeah," he smiled. "Well, I know I don't deserve for you to take me back, but I hope that you would give me a second chance." Remus finished lamely. _

"_O dear, Remus! Who do you think I am? The iron woman with the iron heart? You think that you can just hurt me and then come back, plead guilty, say you are sorry and I would keep on giving you a _second_ chance, so that you can go right back to square one and hurt me again? How pathetic do you think I am?" _

"_Dora,"_

"_NO, I don't want to hear any more. I get it that you are insecure or worried or whatever, I am not even sure what you are anymore, but you have no right to hurt me time and time again! You have no right to play with my feelings Remus! Remember when you finally came and agreed that we should get married? Remember that day? It was the last time I gave you a chance Remus! That was your last chance! It is your fault that you blew it!"_

"_Dora, you have no idea why I came back," Remus muttered._

"_I honestly don't care!" _

_Remus looked immensely hurt but Tonks had had enough. She knew that if Remus left one more time, she would be broken completely. There would be no more chance of repairing the damage. Maybe, she and Remus were not made for each other after all. Maybe, she was wrong about everything. However, of one thing she was sure, Remus was not going to hurt her child, he was not going to treat him or her the way he had treated her!_

"_When I came to tell you that if the only way I could be with you was to marry you, then I would marry you, I was being an absolute selfish jerk. I couldn't spend a week without you, how could I have spent the rest of my life without you. I never thought that you would get pregnant, Dora." There was a melancholic tortured tone to his voice._

"_Yeah, 'cause even the notion of having a baby with me is absolutely revolting, isn't it?" Tonks had lost it. _

"_I am not finished," Remus pleaded once again and against her better judgement Tonks let him finish. "I freaked out, Dora. I completely freaked out. I was scared for you already: your alienation from your family, your parents' disapproval, your safety every full moon. I didn't know what to do, but then when you told me that we were going to have a baby, I felt as if my world had ended. What kind of man puts his own child in such a position? What kind of man brings a child into a world of discrimination and isolation from society? Then I wondered if he or she would be like me. What if I passed my curse onto him or her? I didn't think I could live with that. I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone."_

"_Well it is obvious you were being selfish again!" Tonks burst out._

"_Yeah, I know. But it took Harry to talk some sense into me. I never thought I would get lessons in solving family problems from the outbursts of a teenager." Remus shook his head, with a rueful smile playing on his lips. _

"_I am confused,"_

"_I went and offered my help to those three on whatever crackpot mission Dumbledore has thought to send them on. I wanted to get away from here and Harry realised that when he heard about how I had left you at your parents' and come to go on their adventure with them. I thought he would understand, I thought he would get me, you know. I never realised I had insulted him by even suggesting such a thing! He called me a coward." Outraged shame was evident on his face. "Actually, he said that he couldn't believe the man who taught him how to battle his own greatest fear was a coward himself. I felt like he had punched me. At the time, I didn't realise I was the first to strike the blow though. You don't tell an orphan it is okay for a guy to abandon his wife and his child. You don't tell an orphan it is a selfless and noble act to leave your child, no matter how much you think so yourself and then expect him to understand."_

_Tonks was speechless. Whatever she had expected it wasn't what Remus had just told her right now._

"_I came back for the baby, Dora. I will probably be a terrible father, but at least I'll have you to guide me. That is only if you would give me another chance."_

"_Remus," Tonks started, shaking her head. "I can't let you hurt our child by being unreliable, like you have hurt me."_

"_I don't think I could ever leave you again, Dora. I don't think I could ever do that again. It has been hell every single time I tried. I suppose it is Fate's way to tell me I am meant to stay with you, not apart from you. I don't care how long you take to make a decision, but I'll wait." Remus got up saying this, his fringe falling into his eyes, making Tonks want to reach out and tuck his hair behind his ear. _

"_I think you should rest now," Tonks just sat there as he made to leave, unable to say anything. "I'll check on you tomorrow, if that is okay with you?" _

_Tonks nodded her head absent-mindedly. He had said he couldn't think he could ever leave her again. Dare she believe that this time, Remus will stay? Hope was a terrible, terrible thing._

"_He seemed sincere this time," Andromeda said coming in._

"_Mum! You shouldn't be eavesdropping."_

"_I wasn't eavesdropping!" Andromeda exclaimed indignantly. "I came here to stop you from starting throwing my china plates at him. Honest to whoever rules the universe, the way you were shouting, I thought there was going to be bloody murder in the kitchen. Then I couldn't help but listen. Sorry about that, dear, but I think he was sincere this time. You should think before making a decision though. As far as alienation from your family is concerned, tell him he should not take the credit for my doings. I am very proud to say, it was me who alienated you, not him. Bella can go die in a gutter for all I care about her."_

"_Mum!"_

"_No, I mean it, and where your parents' disapproval is concerned, I personally am less concerned about his lycanthropy and more concerned about his flighty behaviour. One minute here, the next minute Lord knows where! Nonetheless, I think he was sincere this time. You owe this Harry kid, no matter how rude he was to me when I met him that day."_

_Tonks quirked an eyebrow questioningly in her mother's direction._

"_For some reason I think he thought I was someone else: perhaps, the gutter princess herself."_

"_MUM!"_

"_I am just saying..." Andromeda looked a little ashamed of her language but then defiantly set her jaw. "It is not like she doesn't deserve it! Anyhow, I think you should get to bed, now. Do you want me to massage oil in your feet, they already look a little swollen to me."_

"_You are getting old and delusional, my feet are perfectly fine." Tonks removed her slippers and wiggled her toes. Maybe, Remus did deserve another chance. It would be his first chance with his child, at least. _

* * *

Groaning, Tonks woke up from a fitful sleep. She couldn't focus and her throat throbbed with endless pain. She made to get up from her bed, but a horrid scream left her lips as her whole world spun or rather she spun in the stationary world.

"What the fuck?" she exclaimed, holding her head on the pillow with both hands as a wave of nausea hit her. She groaned once again, thinking the world was ending around her, or rather she was ending in the apparently never-ending universe.

"Mummmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa!" Teddy screamed from his room indicating his arrival from Neverland.

"O Merlin, my head!" The dizzy sensation kept Tonks from getting up from her bed as if the mere act of getting out from under the covers was going to be the end of her.

"Mummmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa!" Teddy yelled again, tears were evident in her two and a half year old son's wobbly voice. He was preparing to throw a right tantrum any second.

"O someone, please help me!" Tonks muttered under her breath. "If there is a God in heaven, I am begging you to please send down an angel for taking me out of this misery. Arrgggghhhh," She had tried to move her head but another wave of nausea hit her like a tornado and she belched.

"Mummmmmmaaaaaaa!"

_O dear!_

"Teddy, what's the matter?" A deep male voice came from the other room and Tonks immediately stiffened. It sounded like... but what would he be doing here?

"Mumaaaaaaa... Aahhhhaaaann..."

"Okay, okay, no need to shout," Harry said firmly.

"Muma won't gerrruuupppp, call, harrrrr," her son sniffled a few times and then all was _very_ quiet.

After a few long minutes, a knock sounded on her door and Tonks sighed in relief, only to double over in extreme dizziness as her head spun around once again.

"Tonks? Are you up? Is everything alright?" For one second Tonks wondered why was it that the whole world seemed to so easily tumble out of her fireplace. Ginny, her mum, Kingsley, even Victorie, giving Ginny an _almost _(unfortunately) heart attack, who was taking care of her the other day when Bill and his wife had a social dinner with some new investors? What was up with that? Now Harry? At least, he had the courtesy to apparate outside her apartment and ring the bell before all this.

"Tonks? Are you alright?" There was a very queer worried undertone to his voice that she had never heard him use since the war had ended. "Give me a response or I am opening your door right now! Tonks? Do you know your son was out of his cot _and_ had managed to open the door when I rung the bell! He could have gone outside! _Tonks?_ I am coming in!" He seemed to hesitate a second for some reason and then turned the knob slightly.

"Ommmpppphhh," Tonks uttered unintelligibly, and he stopped.

"Erm, Tonks is that you?" He said uncertainly, confused, it appeared as to what he should do.

"My head, I can't move," Tonks's voice was muffled and very hoarse but Harry heard her, as he opened the door in alarm.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Harry looked confusedly at her, as she still lay in bed looking quite deceptively comfortable.

"I can't get up! I spin when I move my head!"

"Erm, okay, hahaha, very funny. Listen, I came by to tell you that you are late for your first day back to work and Holedale is not too happy about it. He said because you are coming back from a long time away and are going to be working part-time, it is even direr that you should be tardy. His words, not mine. So stop fooling around and get ready for work and show up. I'll drop Teddy off at Andromeda's." He was just about to close her door, when Tonks held out her hand and stop him.

"Nooooo, you don't understand. My head is spinning, I am dying, my throat hurts, I feel like barfing and I am definitely not joking." She said all this in a huge jumbled up sentence as her head spun again and another wave of nausea gripped her with full force. She got up on impulse and rushed to the washroom in a zigzag pattern. The moment she reached the nearest plumbing, namely her sink, she threw up. Her flimsy white camisole was drenched with sweat and she felt dizzy as hell.

"My head," Tonks sniffled.

"Tonks?" Harry's voice was alarmed and very worried.

"Muma?" Teddy was holding on to her white pyjama bottoms and looking at her with a very confused expression. Harry pried him off her and took him to the other room, she heard the flames flare twice with a gap of about thirty seconds in between and heard Harry come back into her room, looking worriedly at her.

"Are you alright?"

"No, obviously,"

"Maybe you should go to Saint Mungo's."

"I don't think I can move, I have no bloody balance, I am _dying._" She sounded like a whiny baby, but what could she possibly do?

"I noticed about the balance thing, but I am pretty sure you are not dying." His voice was firm but there was a note of hesitation, as if he was not so sure himself. A look crossed his face that Tonks was unable to really place and he opened the tap to clear up her mess.

"I'll take you to Saint Mungo's," he conjured a stole to wrap around her as she rinsed her mouth and washed her face. One look in the mirror told her she looked horrific. There were dark circles beneath her eyes and all colour had left her face, leaving a very pasty, yucky complexion behind. Her shoulder length mousy brown hair was plastered to her head and neck due to all the sweat. She felt herself shiver.

"I _am _dying!"

"Don't be ridiculous." Harry wrapped the stole around her shoulder and she noticed that it was white just like the rest of her clothes.

"I don't think you'll feel too happy about flooing there?" Just the thought made her want to throw up again, so she shook her head in negation and then immediately groaned in discomfort.

"Apparition?"

"Umph, what choice do I have?" Harry nodded in understanding and firmly held her forearm and disapparated. It lasted only about a few seconds but it was enough to make her want to kill herself. Her head spun like there was no tomorrow, and she groaned as the air seemed to be knocked out of her lungs. She had never been much of a fan of apparition before, but it had never felt this bad. She did not feel like being drawn through a vacuumed tube, instead it felt like she was spiralling in space. She wished she could say that as soon as it started, it was over. However, that was not true, those were perhaps the second longest few seconds of her life.

* * *

_Tonks rushed into the corridor in the transfiguration department. She almost lost her wit when she saw what was going on. Remus was fiercely duelling Dolohov, who was proving to be an Unforgiveable-Curses-Throwing-Machine. Was casting those three spells the only thing you needed to learn to be Death Eater, apart from being a complete evil psycho? Remus and Dolohov were both casting spells silently and that was making Tonks uncomfortable: not knowing what Dolohov might do next and how would Remus counter that. _

_A jet of green light shot out of Dolohov's wand but missed Remus and hurtled towards her. In that one second Remus eyes met hers and his expression changed from that of determination to absolute horror. She ducked out of its path just in the nick of time and it hit the wall behind her, shattering a few of the portraits that adorned it. _

"_Stupefy!" Remus shouted and the next thing Tonks saw was Dolohov's stunned body hitting the floor. _

"_Dora, what the hell are you doing here? You are supposed to be at home with your mother! Go back!" Remus looked extremely angry at her._

"_I couldn't stand not knowing."_

"_Nonsense, Dora, you are in no position to be in the middle of this! Go back!" Remus repeated a little more firmly this time. _

"_Ooooo, how sweet!" A malicious voice interrupted them. Tonks whirled around and there stood her dear aunt Bellatrix. It seemed that someone had replaced her blood with some poisonous icy liquid. _

"_Dora, please, go back," Remus hissed at her and whipped out his wand to cast a shield against a jet of blue light making its way towards her. _

"_It appears that it _is_ finally up to me to clean up the filth from my family!" Bellatrix cackled. "Today shall be a fine day, after I kill both of you and then later get rid of that little wolf cub you two have created!"_

"_You bitch, stay away from my baby!" Tonks screamed, pulling out her wand from her pocket, completely enraged and murderous. _

"_Dora, no, go back," Remus pleaded._

_A wave of red light shot out of Bellatrix's wand and hit him square in the chest. The force pushed Remus back and disrupted his shield. They both seemed to realise what was going to happen the next moment beforehand and Remus seemed almost prepared for it. Bellatrix shot a Cruciatus curse at him and he tried to block it, however, nothing happened and he fell to the ground writhing in pain. The mad woman screamed in joy and victory as Remus's screams filled the corridor with horror. _

"_What the fuck did you do to him?" _

"_I am not telling you!" She sang triumphantly, as Tonks tried to block her curse but failed as Bellatrix took out another wand and with her left hand threw a terrible curse at her. The purple light barely touched her shoulder but it still sent chills down her spine. Bellatrix's eyes narrowed in disgust at the sight of her niece and she blocked a curse aimed by her, all the while keeping Remus crying out in burning pain. _

"_Please, let him go!" Tonks tried everything in her power to stop Bellatrix from torturing her husband but she had never realised the true might of the witch up till that point. _

"_There was a reason I was the Dark Lord's favourite," she smiled wickedly. "You really want me to put this half-breed out of his misery?"_

"_Yes, yes, please," Tonks begged her, trying to get in the way of the curse and her husband. _

"_Alright, as you wish, princess," Bellatrix laughed maniacally and pulled away her wand, putting an end to Remus's blood curdling screams. However, the very next second a jet of electric green light shot out of her wand and hit Remus's head, which lay on the floor motionless. Tonks watched the progress of the killing curse in abject horror, as it seemed to make its way towards the semiconscious man in slow motion. That had been the longest second of her entire life. She did not even register that the moment she had killed, _killed_ Remus, she had pointed her wand in her direction and was about to cast the same spell to let her join him, wherever death had taken him. _

"_Expelliarmus!" a girl's voice shouted from behind Bellatrix quickly followed by a stunning spell, which missed her by millimetres, as Bellatrix made a run for it, both her wands fallen and completely defenceless in front of the young girl's assaults. _

_Ginny Weasley was standing with her wand pointed at her and was continuously throwing curse after hex but Bellatrix had already gone. She looked sadly from Tonks to Remus and put a hand on her shoulder, slowly prying her away from the scene. _

"_They are retreating for some reason. All of them," she said and Tonks looked blankly at her face, not knowing what to do. Ginny looked at her sadly once again and made a move to raise Remus off the floor._

"_NO," Tonks almost screamed in horror and then realising what Ginny planned to do, she quickly added, "I'll... I'll t-take him. W-w-where?" _

"_The great hall," Tonks nodded, tears streaming down her face. Her life had been ripped from her right before her eyes and she had been completely helpless._

* * *

Harry was talking to the receptionist, who was looking from her to him questioningly. She wrote down a few words on the register in front of her and pointed towards the right, saying "Fourth room on the left."

"Let's go," Harry helped her move as she was still feeling horribly dizzy and nauseous. "This is not exactly a magical problem, so they are sending us to the general physician's ward. Don't worry; a healer will take a look at it. I would stay but Holedale is going to literally have my neck together with yours, so I'll tell him that you are sick and give in an application. Okay? I'll tell him to assign the same whatever to us, so I can cover for you, while you're sick."

It was so sweet of him that Tonks looked up from beneath her lashes and smiled despite the horrendous feeling gripping her insides.

"Thanks,"

"Hey, no problem!" Harry stayed long enough for the healer to come and take charge though. Only when the yellow robed man came into the room did he leave.

"Mrs. Lupin?"

"Yes,"

"What is the matter?" The healer asked while sitting down on his chair in front of her, looking at her eyes and taking her pulse.

"I woke up this morning with a sore throat and I felt horrendously dizzy. The moment I move my head, it spins and I feel really nauseous. I threw up once already and well I can't seem to keep my balance."

"Does the world around you spin or you spin yourself?"

"Erm, I do."

"Unhun," he had started taking a number of readings, swishing and flicking his wand in various directions. "I see. It appears you have labyrinthitis. I'll give you a potion for it. You have to take it daily three times and keep on taking it for a week, after which come and see me to determine whether or not we should continue the dosage. You need to take rest and not put too much strain on your eyes. For the next few days you will feel similar symptoms, but slowly they will start to ebb away. Alright?"

"Yes, I suppose."

"In addition, remember not to stand near dangerous places and no flooing or apparating anywhere. One of the mediwitches will take you back home. You are not to apparate, unless it is side-along. Understand?" The healer seemed pretty firm on this so she nodded obediently. "Good, meanwhile, if you have any problem, feel free to contact me." He said this while handing her a paper bag with a container of orange coloured potion and a measuring cup with it.

"Thank you."

"No worries, just wait here for a few minutes, I will send a mediwitch to assist you." With that he left. She looked at the wall-clock and realised the whole examination procedure had not taken more than fifteen minutes. These healers were always in a hurry!

* * *

"Hey you, how are you feeling?" Tonks was lying in bed with a magazine in her hands, flipping through the pages. Every single day, Harry came to see her just before going home from the Auror office. She had been feeling woozy for the first few days of her strange illness, but now she felt a whole lot better. As soon as the mediwitch had heard that Tonks lived alone in her apartment with her two and a half year old son, she refused to take her there and forcefully apparated her to her mother's house, where she threw up the moment they 'landed'.

Andromeda had been really upset to see her only daughter in the strange condition she had been, however, the moment the mediwitch explained to her the whole situation with her labyrinthitis, her mum had set to work on making _healthy _food and getting her into bed. Teddy had already been set in front of a colouring book, his undeviating concentration broken the moment he had seen his mother.

"Muma, okay?" he had inquired worriedly.

"Yeah, sweetheart, mummy just needs some rest, okay?"

"Kay," Teddy was such a sweet boy, except in the mornings. In the mornings, he was a downright tantrum machine. She had shaken her head and made her way to her old bedroom. That is exactly where she was now.

"I am good, but I have been better." Harry chuckled and brought out a gift wrapped package that he had been hiding. "Surprise! Just something to cheer you up, although, I should mention I picked it out and my choice in books is a little dreary, not like Ginny."

"I am sure it is great," inwardly shuddering at the prospect of reading something Ginny might have picked out.

"Speaking of Ginny, she is actually here to see you. She got caught up in some artsy thingi your mum has made." As if on cue Ginny came in carrying a bouquet of flowers, with 'GET WELL SOON' printed on the front. It was really sweet, but Tonks couldn't help but wonder if she had balloons hidden somewhere. However, much to Tonks's consternation Ginny was not in her usual cheery mood. She looked a little _annoyed._

"Hey Tonks, how are you feeling now?" She asked politely.

"I am good," Tonks replied, a little alarmed for some reason. Harry was completely oblivious to the tension gripping the atmosphere in the room and started telling Tonks about their new mission. It involved the capture of some very scary sounding gang who was smuggling dangerous and illegal potions out of the country. Apparently, she and Harry were supposed to track down a small man of about thirty, who had been spotted supplying apparition tickets illegally to the gang. All through the account, Ginny looked uncomfortable and Tonks was trying to figure out what was her problem.

"Ginny, is everything alright?"

"Hmm, oh yeah, everything is fine." Ginny said smiling at her and Tonks sighed inwardly in relief. Whatever had gone wrong had nothing to do with her, because if somehow, Ginny had found out about her feelings for her fiancé, things could definitely go awry.

* * *

"_You saved my life," Tonks said in disbelief. She had always liked Ginny's spirit, but she could never have imagined that Ginny and she would ever be bonded in such a way. _

"_No,"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_No, I didn't save your life, Tonks. Please, don't make it out to be anything it isn't." Tonks was sitting in a chair at the burrow's dining table. She became very confused at Ginny's reply. "I just disarmed her that's it." _

_Tonks could see some strange grief was gripping the young girl's heart. _

"_Alright, you disarmed my aunt," Ginny smiled at this and then the next second her smile was replaced by tears. "Ginny, come on, be honest with me, what's the matter?"_

"_Nothing," _

"_Ginny?"_

"_Honest, it's nothing," but her troubled expression told an entirely different story. _

"_Ginny, come on, what happened?" Tonks pressed._

"_It's just that I have been having these horrible dreams. It's nothing really just that... I shouldn't even be thinking this!" Ginny interrupted herself fiercely and made to get up. However, Tonks grabbed her arm and made her sit down again. _

"_What?"_

"_Nothing,"_

"_Ginny!" Tonks was exasperated but softened the moment she saw tears in the younger girl's eyes._

"_It's just that I keep on wondering, if I hadn't gone after you and instead had followed Fred, he might still have been alive." Her honest confession shook her. "But then I look at Teddy and I feel like killing myself for thinking such a thing. Then I look at George and I feel like killing myself for not being able to do anything. I know it isn't my fault but... I don't know... I just keep on wanting to..." _

_Ginny took a deep breath, "Never mind. I should go and help mum with the laundry."_

_It was then Tonks had realised that the girl she had thought had lost nothing, had perhaps lost more than her. It was from that day, Ginny's false cheeriness had started to make _Tonks want_ to kill her. It was that one moment ingrained in her memory that forced her to want to kill herself every time she thought about Harry, because she believed that their relationship was the only thing keeping Ginny sane. _

* * *

**A/N: So what did you think? I hope you liked this chapter. I definitely enjoyed writing it. There is a poll open on my author's page regarding this story. If you haven't already voted, do go check that out. The poll will stay open for one more chapter after this one and then as we move closer to closure I will close it. So vote, while you have the chance and let me know how you would want to end this story! ;)**


	7. The Day of Beginnings

**A/N: Alright, so I suppose poor Ginny is doomed to be disliked, especially after what I make her do in the next chapter. :( **

**On a happier note, for all those who are a little fed up with all the flashbacks, there isonly one flashback in this chapter and is very short. This is my way of making Tonks's transition final and ensuring that it is conveyed that she is moving on. :D **

**The Day of Beginnings**

* * *

Tonks's flat was bustling with noise as she rushed through breakfast with Teddy kicking and screaming that he did not want to go to 'shool'. One hand ruffling his hair in encouragement and the other clutching a piece of toast, Tonks tried to calm Teddy down by telling him about all the other little kids he was going to meet. However, if Tonks was the queen of stubborn, Teddy was no less than the prince. He ran into his room screaming.

"I don't wanna gooo!"

"But you have to go!" Losing all pretence and patience, Tonks said in frustration.

"Whyy?"

"Because I said so!" Teddy had never heard his mother use this tone of voice before. It was firm and scary for the almost three year old. So Teddy did what every three year old does presented with such a situation, lips trembling he began to whimper. Tonks abandoned her half eaten toast and went after him.

"Look, there will be other children over there learning all about unicorns and stuff. You'll absolutely miss out. Miss Simmy tells the best stories ever. Don't you want to even give it a little try?"

"No," Teddy said in a small voice.

"Not even for mummy?" Tonks pleaded.

"Mmmbbii," Teddy mumbled.

"Sorry, sweetheart I didn't catch that."

"Maybe," Teddy said in a loud whisper.

"Good boy," Tonks gave Teddy a big hug and a kiss, sighing in relief at having dealt with the situation. She just couldn't bring herself to tell him that he would be in a strange place with strange people for two whole hours without his mother yet. That would definitely earn a few more screams and a lot more tears.

* * *

"Mummaaaa," Teddy cried as Tonks was trying to make a discreet exit from Balton's School for Little Witches and Wizards, while her almost three year old son seemed engrossed in the little stories his new teacher was telling him about the park.

"O dear," Tonks murmered to herself under her breath. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Where?"

"Erm, Mummy has to go to work now. Grandma will come very soon and see how Teddy is a big boy now." Tonks said in a cheery tone. Teddy bit his little lip and looked at his mother with huge accusing eyes. She just couldn't bear to look at her baby crying while she was leaving. Two huge tears left his chocolaty eyes, rolling down his cheeks.

"Mumma," he sniffled and Tonks almost took her phone out to inform someone at the office that she would be coming late. However, she figured that as soothing as that might be for Teddy, it would definitely be the wrong lesson she would be giving him.

"Teddy, you have to stay with Miss Simmy for a little while till grandma comes. Okay? It would be alright. Miss Simmy is going to introduce you to lots of little children. You are going to make lots of new friends."

"No," Teddy's voice was so small and tragic that Tonks felt her throat tighten.

"Sweetheart, mummy has to go to work, otherwise lots of people would be troubled and annoyed."

"No, no, no," more tears escaped Teddy's eyes. However, just that second a little girl with jet black hair and ocean blue eyes came in the room with her mother. The mother left the little girl with Miss Simmy and went out. Teddy looked at the little girl in amazement and then eyed his mother.

"Look how brave she is being, Teddy. You should be too. I know you can. It is just a matter of a little time before grandma comes." Teddy bit his lip and glanced at the little girl once again, who by this time had started animatedly relating yesterday's events to their teacher. Teddy gave a tiny nod and looked up to catch a few tears in his mother's eyes. Tonks felt so proud of him, because truth be told, he was handling it a lot better than she had anticipated.

She made her way out the front door of the building brimming with pride when she heard a voice call out.

"Mummaaaa!"

"O dear."

* * *

"You are late," Harry's slightly annoyed voice greated Tonks the moment she entered the Auror Headquarters. After the war, the Auror Office had been moved from level two in the Ministry to a separate building half a mile south of it. From afar it looked like a battered old bin that no one would want to go near, however, when you got close enough, you would see a little blue button discreetly placed on its handle, invisible to muggle eyes. One press of that button and you travel underground to the new Auror Headquarters!

"I know, Teddy wouldn't let me go. I spent one and a half hour trying to convince him that I was not leaving him permanently or something."

"First day of preschool?"

"Yeah,"

"Well considering that this is your first day back, Holedale is not happy."

"I can talk to him and explain."

"No, you don't understand. He loves _you_, adores _you_ or whatever. It is me he is not happy with."

"Hmm? What? Why?"

"Tonks, you should have at least called me and told me that you would be late. I had to make some cock-and-bull story about sending you for coffee and that you were caught up in some long line or whatever." Harry said, frustrated.

"O gosh, Harry, I am so sorry."

"Sorry about what?" Holedale's stern voice sent chills down Tonks's spine.

"She lost the coffee. It fell on her way here."

"Of course it did," Holedale said dryly, eyeing one of his best Aurors through narrowed eyelids.

"Potter, brief Tonks on your assignment. I want a report by tomorrow morning at the latest. I don't care how you do it. I don't care how little you sleep. I don't care how many hours you put into it. Just do it! Of course, if Nymphadora (Tonks winced) needs to go home early, she may. Being an Auror is tough, being a single parent is tougher. Potter, you can take over for her!" Harry groaned the moment Holedale retired to his office.

"See, he _loves_ you."

"Am I missing something?"

"He raised his two daughters on his own, after his wife left him for their cook or butler or gardener or someone. Apparently, she didn't even look back once, no phone calls, no letters, no nothing."

"Ouch,"

"I know. Who would have thought, Holedale of all people? I mean if I was his wife, I would think twice before looking at the postman or milkman or driver or whoever. Moreover, not to return his calls! Suicide..."

"I was talking about him having to raise two daughters on his own. No help whatsoever. At least I have my mother and you guys and well everyone."

"Oh yeah, that too," Harry said after a little pause.

"He has two _daughters_?" Tonks asked suddenly realising something.

"Doesn't look like it, does it? They seem to adore him."

"Really?"

"Yup, they come here all the time during summer. The older one likes to bake and stuff, so she brings him cake and cookies and whatever. The younger one just comes to bankrupt him. I think he indulges them a little too much, but he is the parent."

"Harry, aren't you turning into a gossiper."

"Not me, no, if you spent half as much time as I had to with Meredith over there," Harry pointed at the blonde typist. "You would know double the amount of stuff I have been forced to find out."

"You and Meredith? Is there something I..." Tonks cleared her throat. "Ginny should be worried about?"

Harry looked at Tonks oddly before laughing it off. "I was put on dictating reports duty as one of my training assignments. I mean duelling, disguise and survival sessions are hard but reports: utter torture. I mean they could kill us with those things."

"Potter! Are you done briefing Tonks?"

"Erm, yes sir. Absolutely sir!"

"Good, then why are you two standing there gawking like idiots? Get going. I need that report tomorrow!" Holedale barked waiting for them to leave. Harry stayed put a few seconds too late. "Well MOVE!"

* * *

_Harry was looking wearily at Ron and Hermione arguing when Tonks came and sat down next to him. They had just had dinner at the Burrow. _

"_Wotcher Harry,"_

"_Oh, hello Tonks," Harry replied gloomily._

"_What's wrong?" _

"_Nothing," Harry sent a quick glance towards Ginny who was playing with her Pigmy Puff. A sigh escaped, which caught Tonks's attention and she raised an eyebrow at him questioningly._

"_What?" _

"_Nothing," Tonks sighed. "I remember being a teenager. Life was so simple back then."_

"_That makes me feel soooo much better. If this is simple, I wonder what complicated looks like." Harry mumbled sarcastically. _

_Remus had caught her staring at him wistfully and his sullen expression had changed into one of weariness. Tonks felt the back of her eyes sting and she looked away. Ginny was still playing with her pet and Harry was still staring at her. His expression was similar to hers, one of longing mixed with the knowledge of remaining unfulfilled._

"_So what's your story?" Tonks asked him looking pointedly towards Ginny. Harry's cheeks flushed with colour._

"_What story?" Tonks raised her right eyebrow and shook her head. _

"_Fine don't tell me but don't pretend nothing's going on. A blind person can see you fancy her. You want me to talk to her?" Tonks asked suggestively._

"_NO!" Harry looked horrified at the very idea. "I mean," he cleared his throat. "What is there to talk about?"_

_Tonks shook her head and stared at this extraordinary boy act like an ordinary teenager. Maybe her life was not that complicated. She looked at Remus once again. Or maybe it was. _

**

* * *

**

"What the hell?" Harry said under his breath, as he followed Tonks into the dark alley, both their wands raised, their senses on alert.

"Are you sure we are in the right place? I mean, did you see them coming this way?" Tonks asked uncertainly. They had followed a trail of three men to this area in the inner London city.

"I think so, but there seems to be no..." realisation suddenly dawned on Harry's face and he flashed an irresistible grin in Tonks's direction.

"Just because muggles are involved in the smuggling doesn't necessarily mean that they are not using _any_ magic." Harry made some elaborate wand movements in the general direction of one wall and then the other, muttering spells under his breath. A portion in the middle of the wall on their right hand side glowed yellow for a split second and then turned back to normal. Harry looked triumphantly at Tonks, who had started working on that section with her wand.

"Be careful, we don't want to alert them to our presence," Harry said quickly.

"Potter, I've been doing this a lot longer than you." There was annoyance in her tone as Tonks said this.

The moment Tonks opened a one way window into the wall, a gasp escaped her mouth. Harry was looking in utter amazement at the scene before him and couldn't help but let his jaw drop. _How was it possible?_

"The Carrows? Aren't they in Azkaban?"

"Yes, they are!" After the initial shock, Harry felt rage rise in his chest.

"Well, they can't possibly be in two places at once, now can they?"

"Can't they?" Harry remembered a number of incidents from his past where people, twice even he too, had accomplished this very feat. "Time travel, polyjuice potion... there could be a number of explanations."

"I think we need to pay a visit to Azkaban just to check. There are too many of them for us to do anything just yet, so let's be fully prepared for when we have to confront them."

"We can't just..."

"Yes, we can! Come on!" Tonks grabbed Harry's sleeve and disapparated.

* * *

Tonks was slowly walking behind Harry as they made their way through the various passageways of the wizarding prison, searching for the Carrows cell. It was dark and creepy with groans and croaks filling the diseased air. Despite the Minister's desire, the Dementors had not been removed from Azkaban. It appeared that people would rather have the risk of Dementors turning against them than have their wizarding prison devoid of "Proper Security". Harry thought that it was all a pile of rubbish.

"This is it,"

It was a cell like any other cell, apart from the name plate outside reading, Alecto and Amycus Carrow. Two figures were sprawled across the floor staring at the ceiling. Harry pointed his wand towards the cell and light burst out, illuminating the small room. Tonks caught sight of the two faces staring straight up ahead.

"O my God!" They were the exact same faces she had seen moments ago in London greeting other shady looking people. The only difference was that where those countenances were fresh and healthy, these were withdrawn, empty and sunken. Instinctively, Tonks gripped Harry's arm and clung to it. "How is this possible?"

"Polyjuice Potion? For some reason I don't think so."

At that very moment all warmth left Tonks's body and she felt a terrible chill run down her spine. She suddenly turned around and came face to face with tens of Dementors, all of their hoods down, their mouths puckered. They were approaching the cell and before Harry or Tonks even realised what was going on they had sucked the souls out of the Carrow siblings. Ignoring their presence they left them behind, shocked and confused.

* * *

"What does it all mean?" Tonks asked for the millionth time as they both sat in the dimly lit room poring over the report they had prepared.

"I don't know, it's all so strange." Harry said looking for something in the old reports that he might have missed.

"I can't believe it was a coincidence that the Dementors kissed them."

"Neither can I, but you know what Holedale said, we are not supposed to question the presence or actions of the Dementors in Azkaban. It is in their contract."

"But still..."

"I know," Harry bit down on his quill as he searched through some more papers. Tonks couldn't help but stare at him. She never realised but he was sort of beautiful in his own rugged, mussed up sort of way. She wondered what it would be like to run her hands through his hair. Would it feel soft or crisp? Before Tonks could stop herself she saw her hand rise and reach out for it, a tender look in her eyes. The moment it made contact Harry jerked back in astonishment. Tonks felt shame rise in her chest and tears sting at her eyes. _What was wrong with her?_

"I'm sorry," she got up and briskly walked towards the exit.

"Tonks, wait. It's okay." He called out from behind.

"No it isn't Harry, it is anything but okay." Tonks couldn't help but murmur under her breath.

* * *

**A/N: So, what did you think? Remember, a poll on this story is still running on my author's page. Do check that out and let me know how you would like this story to end. This is your last chance to vote, because after I post the next chapter the poll will be closed! :D **


	8. Paradise in Trouble

**A/N: I should be shot for not keeping my promise of regularly uploading the final chapters for this story. And this time I am not even going to dare make a single excuse. I sincerely apologise for the horrendously long delay between the last chapter and this one. **

**Also, I would like to apologise for disappearing from the scene completely and not even bothering to reply to your reviews. I should be ashamed of myself, but the truth is that I did not open a single email regarding , because I felt guilty. Guilty, because I wasn't giving it the time I wanted to, due to, well, life in general. Nonetheless, I am back now, and I hope to, at least, finish this story, if not start another one. :) **

* * *

**Paradise in Trouble**

"Ginny? Have you seen my diary?" Harry asked for the third time. Could he not see that she was not in the mood to talk to him right now?

"Ginny? Is everything okay?" Ginny groaned. Could he not see that she was not in the mood to talk with _anyone_ right now?

She heard Harry get up, but did not make a move towards looking at him. His chair scraped the floor as he picked up his dishes and moved away from the dining table, towards the sink. He let out a deep cold sigh and Ginny ignored him again.

"Do you want anything more to drink?" _Was that a jibe? _

"No Harry, I do not want anything more to drink! I just want to be left alone!" Ginny snapped at him, but Harry just gave her that worried look again. _What was the matter with her? _Ginny dropped her spoon and fork on the table with a clang. _No! She would _not_ think about that right now! She swore to herself that she would _never EVER _think about that again. _

Ginny's countenance was fast changing colours: from sickly green to warningly red. She looked at Harry and noticed that he was still observing her.

"Ginny, what's the matter?" His expression was alarmed and his tone anxious.

"I don't think I am feeling very well. I think I'll go to bed early tonight." She managed a half smile, but judging by Harry's reaction it might have just been a grimace.

"Ginny, I think we should..."

"Goodnight!" With that Ginny got up and went into the bathroom to begin her preparations for bed. Where she had left her dishes on the dining table, she had also left her fiancé very confused.

* * *

Never in all the years that he had known Ginny, had Harry ever seen her like this. She had been upset _with him_, since the moment he had told her about his new case with Tonks. For the first time since he had become an auror did Harry wish he had obeyed the first rule in the auror guidelines:

1. Never talk about your current mission with anyone who is not an auror themselves, unless it is absolutely necessary.

But Harry told Ginny _everything_, so how could he not talk about this with her? He picked up Ginny's dishes and took them to the sink and began to wash them, still thinking about what he had said that was making his Ginny act so unlike herself!

* * *

Ginny was sitting on the bed, absently brushing her hair, when Harry came in. He looked slightly wary of her as she looked at him with accusation. Ginny wondered how Harry could be so clueless sometimes. _Didn't he understand that I want to be left alone!_ There was murderous rage bubbling under the surface of her immaculate personality and it both shocked and ashamed her. None of this was Harry's fault! She _knew_ that, she really did. But what could she do?

She couldn't tell him, now could she? That would just make things worse! Much, much worse!

"Wait, it's not Tonks, is it?" Harry had that look of utter guilt on his face, the one he got just before he would start to feel responsible for something that was either out of his control or really not his fault. "I know I have been spending time with her and trying to help her with her being sick and all, but that is it, I swear! If you have a problem with that..."

Ginny had stopped listening. Normally, she would have cut him off right there, and told him that he was being utterly silly. She would have assured him that his ability to be there for people when they really needed him was one of the many reasons she fell in love with him in the first place. She would have stressed that she trusted him with her full heart and she could never think anything like that. She would have declared to herself that even though she had noticed that Tonks was developing some sort of feelings for Harry, she knew that he would never leave her for someone else, that he would never betray her. However, these were not normal circumstances! This situation was the absolute antonym of normal.

_I need an escape! _Ginny felt suffocated.

"...the Carrows Case came up..."

"I can't believe you!" Ginny lashed out. She felt as if someone was trying to stuff her inside her own body. She felt trapped within her own soul.

"Wha.."

"All this time, I thought that it was only _Tonks_ who had these feelings for _you_. All this time, I thought you were just being _kind_ to her, because of all the troubles in her life. ALL THIS BLOODY TIME, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING THERE FOR TEDDY!"It was almost as if someone was clutching her lungs in iron hands.

"But Ginny that is what I was sayin..."

"BUT NOOOOOO! YOU AND _HER._" She was losing it! Just thinking about it was making her lose it!

"Ginny, love, calm down. I would never..." Ginny knew he would never hurt her knowingly. But, unknowingly, he had just ruptured the very core of her existence. He had destroyed her and it wasn't even his fault! He deserved the pain she was about to inflict on him. And yet, he deserved nothing but happiness from her.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME? THAT YOU ARE... THAT YOU ARE SCREWING _HER_?"The moment these words left her mouth, she cringed inwardly. Her heart would have bled with Harry's, if it wasn't already dead.

However, what finally broke her was the hint of a tear in his left eye. She could not hurt him with her words anymore. She could not hurt him with her accusations anymore. So, she did what she had needed to do, since Harry had told her about the day's activities. She picked up her bag, swished her wand to transfigure her clothes into something sane and left.


End file.
